If you really want to scare a guy, I have the perfect three words for you: Last Football Game.

However, if you really want to impress a guy, I have absolutely nothing for you (ha!). You’re on your own kids. So as you pull out your best “football talk” this weekend for the Super Bowl, secretly admire Peyton’s arms, learn the game of squares and lose (because nobody really wins in this game), there is one thing I can help with: food.

Whether you are hosting or attending a Super Bowl party (rule: don’t go empty handed, #rude), here are some of the best football snacks with super easy instructions:

Chocolate covered strawberries (in the shape of footballs of course)

Melt chocolate | Dip strawberries | Add lines with white chocolate

Beer-battered onion rings (minors be advised)

Pre-heat | Mix ingredients | Cut and dip in batter | Repeat | Basically a lot of work

Football whoopie pies

Pre-heat | Blend | Beat | (Add a lot of baker-terminology here) | Frost

Chocolate Football Cupcakes

Bake cupcakes | Add chocolate frosting | Add white lines with frosting

Fruit salad for you helmet heads

Carve watermelon | Insert fruit

Frozen Chocolate Footballs

Freeze ice cream | Cut football pieces | Add popsicle stick | Melt chocolate and peanut butter | Pour on ice cream | Freeze | Add lines with white chocolate

Football patties

Cut dough | Stuff | Fold | Heat

Football Chocolate Truffles

Mix ingredients | Scoop in football shape | Dip in chocolate

Grilled Cheese Footballs

Cut bread | Add cheese | Toast

Every single dipping sauce with an assortment of dipping foods

So basically if you want me there, there has to be a lot of chocolate.

Super Bowl Sunday is my cheat day for the year,